Be intentional on falling in love

The lovely Audrey Hepburn

At the end of my teenage years and the beginning of my twenties, my romantic life was a funny paradox...

When I had a crush on somebody, I used to spend my time and thoughts on how to catch that handsome guy (for those who didn't know that part of me… sorry but is true I used to be a boycrazy). But, he wasn't into me like I dreamed. And the guys that were into me, they weren’t my type. So basically, I was living an illusion after another, and breaking hearts too. Not only that was questioning my self-esteem and tempting me to settle, but also I was in the risk to have a bad definition of love.

I used to think that to be successful in the love life was to conquer that cute boy and to have a boyfriend. If I didn’t succeed in getting his attention, I used to think I was ugly or too shy. So, if we base our boldness in accomplishing our love goals we may never have a successful love life. True boldness for me is to be intentional in things that really matter. Yes! You can make things happen, like you can decide to whom you will fall in love and how long it will take. You can live beyond your crazy love feelings.

With my heart tired of follow its own romantic dreams, I realize that I wasn’t accepting that as a christian, I was meant to be different. That is okay to not have a boyfriend even if the most of the girls already have one. I couldn’t force myself to fall in love with the guys that I didn’t find attractive (to not break their hearts). And I couldn’t get stuck on a fantasy for years when the guy that I liked just wanted me as a friend. I needed to be intentional in some areas of my life. I needed to make things on purpose even if those things include romantic feelings.

In order to have a pleasing and perfect love story written by God (not us or the world) the way to be intentional over feelings is by changing the way we think.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. 

Romans 12:2 NLT

If you are an I.U. girl you already notice that this verse is my motto. We change the way we think through the scripture. God tells as to wait on Him. Ok. And while we are waiting we have to prepare as the young future Queen Esther did. As we are waiting and trusting God that He will satisfy our romantic dreams we have to be successful in your studies, career, own goals or even our family love life. As one of my favorite counselors about love Debra Fileta, said "Real faith isn’t just about waiting – it’s about living while we wait." 

So my way to be intentional in my love life it took three steps:

1. Intentional on choosing your wise confidant

Be intentional on choosing what kind of people will influence you and help you to have a healthy relationship. Whom you talk with, chat with, saw on TV or listen to the radio could give you wrong subtle definitions of love that affects your behavior with the opposite sex. I learned to choose wise friends that influenced me to make right choices. Now, I have few best friends, who will give me a lot of mature advices about love. Trustworthy close friends can tell you the true that you don’t see. 

2. Intentional on whom you let enter into your mind and heart 

If he doesn’t give you a sign he’s not worthy of your time and thoughts. Don’t waste time of holding onto a dream that will never become real. It is possible to forget him without bitterness. Just realize that he corresponds to his God-given wife as you correspond to your God-given husband. And, like the author Joyce Meyer says “When we fill our thoughts with right things, the wrong ones have no room to enter.” So get rid of all the unhealthy illusions of your mind, while he’s in his way out of your heart. And if that boy that already has a “No” from you (as the song of Meghan Trainor) and still bothering you or make you feel down because you rejected him. He also is not worthy of your thoughts and time. Pray for him that God, only God can heal his wounds and not your affect. 

3. Intentional on let God to tell you what is the next step

The words of Paul “Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect,” summarize this final step. Be intentional on being what God want you to be and on to be with God want you to be. That’s true boldness to me. To wait on God for God’s best. To know that your best strategic plan to conquer a boy will never success like God’s pleasing and perfect plan. Intentionally, be close to Him so you can listen what He says about your love life. Be so close that you can listen to His answer. Then rest on knowing that God is in control.  He will never allow that you miss the opportunity to be with the man that He himself thought for you. The Greater Lover can tell you who is the next step toward your so expected man.

Now I believe that be intentional is boldness and the start to live life to the fullest, not like the world thinks, but living the life that God prepared for me since the beginning. Now, I trust in His plan and I do not get frustrated if that handsome boy is not meant for me. Because God’s romantic dreams for me are better than my owns.

From reading to action

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Bye, I.U. girl, keep moving forward!